Jargology

Humans who believe that it’s natural to squat while one poops are Squat Evangelists.

According to Bockus’s Gastroenterology, a standard medical text from 1964, “the ideal posture for defecation is the squatting position, with the thighs fixed upon the abdomen.”

Modern-day squat evangelists make money off the claim that a “more natural” posture wards off all sorts of health problems, from Crohn’s disease to colon cancer.

Further reading: Slate, Gawker

Probable Genre: Hillbilly Rock

Operation Buckshot Yankee was the name of a 2008 counter-military operation to a cyber attack installed via flash drive on US military Central Command computers.

The Pentagon operation to counter the attack, known as Operation Buckshot Yankee, marked a turning point in U.S. cyberdefense strategy, Lynn said. In November 2008, the Defense Department banned the use of flash drives, a ban it has since modified.

Further reading: Washington Post

Probable Genre: College Rock

Terror Babies refer to children born to Muslim women in the US, flown overseas to train in terror, who then return to the US thirty years later as terrorists. It’s a now-debunked conspiracy first introduced by Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX). 

The Republican member of the Texas State Legislature said her office is getting information on the so-called terror babies from former FBI officials. We called the FBI today to see what they thought of these claims.

Further reading: AC360

Aqua Buddha is hopefully a make-believe deity whom a woman claims Rand Paul, candidate for U.S. Senate in Kentucky, forced her to worship. 

“They told me their god was ‘Aqua Buddha’ and that I needed to bow down and worship him,” the woman recalls. “They blindfolded me and made me bow down to ‘Aqua Buddha’ in the creek. I had to say, ‘I worship you Aqua Buddha, I worship you.’

Further reading: GQ

Broadband Stamps, if successfully introduced by Former FCC Commissioner Deborah Taylor Tate, would be vouchers for low-income Americans to buy terribly slow internet service.

Think of this as food stamps for broadband, or in Tate’s words, “broadband stamps.”

Further reading: ars technica

A Blacktag is a twitter hashtag used primarily by black people.

Call #wordsthatleadtotrouble a “blacktag”—a trending topic initiated by a young African-American woman in Hollywood, pushed to a wider audience by a black woman in South Africa, and then pushed over the top by thousands of contributions from who appear to be black teenagers all over the United States. 

Further reading: Slate

HOPA is the rearranged acronym for “Hot Piece of Ass.” In a series of photographs posted online, a girl named Jenny quit her job because her boss called her a HOPA to a business contact in a phone call she overheard. [note: circumstances could be fake, the internet is currently researching]

NEW DEFINITION: A word used to describe any colleague who may be within earshot, used to express awareness of their proximity.

Further reading: Mashable

Hiatus over. It’s time to get cranking again, mkay? Formatting may change in future…

Flashblooding is the hopefully not-so-widespread practice of injecting oneself with the blood of a heroin addict to get high or fight withdrawal. 

New Definition: The practice of deliberately fucking oneself over.

Usage: We were flashblodding with whiskey the night before that AP Environmental Science test, there was no way we couldn’t fail. 

Further reading: NY Times

“The name used by Russia’s overseas intelligence agency, the SVR, for its secret agents living in the US.”

New Definition: Anyone living a secret life.

Usage: “My uncle and his boyfriend are illegals in Dallas.”

Jim Joyce is an umpire in Major League Baseball who once made a questionable call, costing a young pitcher his perfect game. The term “jim joyced” became jargologized today, when a ref in the US vs. Slovenia world cup soccer game called back a goal due to an offsides that was so clearly not offsides. It doesn’t deserve capitalization because it’s so damn frustrating. 

New Definition: A terrible call that results in a lost game, record, or otherwise noteworthy distinction in sports, politics, or life.

Usage: “Jimmy got jim joyced in little league today.”

Further reading: SI, Twitter, 12th Man Rising

Teenage boys are playing a “game” wherein they ambush each other with a punch to the nuts. It’s called “sack-tapping,” and was supposedly made popular after a 1998 episode of South Park. 

New Definition: “Any painful insult that surprises the receiver.”

Usage: “Dan got sack-tapped in yesterdays creative brainstorm and just walked out for lunch”

Further reading: MSNBC, Jezebel

According to a recent study, helicopter parents — parents who hover over the minute-by-minute happenings of a child’s life — create reserved and sheltered kids. No shit, right?

Further reading: On Deadline, Jezebel

Gucci Cops are members of the police force who wear fashionable clothes while on duty.

New Definition: Any authoritative figure who dresses in what could be loosely interpreted as ‘fashionable.’”

Usage: “President Obama is being criticized for dressing like a Gucci cop while touring the oil-stricken beaches near New Orleans.”

Further reading: Telegraph