April 2011
3 posts
3 tags
Heart Crisis
Probable Genre: New jack swing
One report said he was in intensive care after suffering a “heart crisis” during questioning. Another said he was fit enough to be questioned in hospital in the Red Sea resort of Sharm el-Sheikh.
Status: Available!
Further reading: Reuters
2 tags
Reuben Spider-Man
Probable Genre: Geek Rock
The boy, 4, hustled east on Court Avenue at the bridge. Butler asked the lad where he was going.
“That way,” the boy said, pointing toward the Capitol building for emphasis.
Butler asked where his parents were.
“I don’t know,” the boy said. Butler radioed dispatchers to ask if there had been any missing child reports. There hadn’t....
1 tag
Baraka Hussein Abu Oumama
Probable Genre: Krautrock
Addressing Obama as, “Our dear son, Excellency, Baraka Hussein Abu oumama,” and saying he backed the president’s just-announced re-election campaign, Gaddafi called NATO’s campaign “unjust” and requested a ceasefire.
Status: This name is…available!
Further Reading: Cheat Sheet
March 2011
2 posts
3 tags
Megathrust
Probable Genre: Thrash Metal
The magnitude-8.9 “megathrust” quake is similar to what happened during the 2004 Sumatra quake that spawned a killer tsunami and the earthquake last year in Chile. In all these cases, one tectonic plate is shoved beneath another.
Further reading: AP
February 2011
1 post
3 tags
Hard Freeze
Probable Genre: Death metal
… WIND ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 PM CST THIS EVENING… … HARD FREEZE WARNING IN EFFECT FROM 6 PM THIS EVENING TO 10 AM CST WEDNESDAY…
Further Reading: Weather.com
January 2011
1 post
4 tags
Glimmers of Recognition
Probable Genre: Glam rock
The chief of neurosurgery at Tucson’s University Medical Center said that Giffords’ eye movements suggest the congresswoman is experiencing “glimmers of recognition.”
Further reading: CNN
November 2010
4 posts
2 tags
Mystery Missile
A plane, or perhaps actually a rogue missile, was caught on camera by a helicopter crew this week and everybody’s a bit wee wee’d up. Forget all that. This is a real exciting band name for anyone willing to go metallic with their costume elements!
Probable genre: Dance-punk
You know what’s a creepy phrase? “Mystery Missile.” It’s trending on Google today,...
9 tags
Fantastic Dolls
Somehow, at least according to a brief search on MySpace, the band name ‘Fantastic Dolls’ is still available for the taking. Grab it now and you’ll be opening for your idols the New York Dolls in less than a week.
Probable Genre: Glam metal
His nanny was an openly gay man who, in keeping with Indonesia’s relaxed attitudes toward homosexuality, carried on an affair with a local...
7 tags
Ruby the Heartbreaker
The perfect name for any glamorous, up-and-coming youthful singer/songwriter with a Moroccan sensibility. Must be willing to travel. And sleep with elderly politicians. That too.
Probable Genre: Moroccan Belly Jazz
This time he is alleged to have invited a prostitute, Karima el-Mahroug—better known as Ruby the Heartbreaker, and who was 17 at the time—to at least two parties at his villa near...
3 tags
Bunga Bunga
If you someday find yourself in an enthusiastic group of four bisexual electro-dance queens from the Bronx, going over your debut set list three days before your first show and you’ve yet to name yourselves, may I recommend “Bunga Bunga.”
Probable Genre: Glitter Rock
If Silvio Berlusconi were anyone else, he’d surely be in rehab by now. But the viral leader of Italy...
October 2010
1 post
4 tags
The Hundred Year Starship
The ideal band would be of no less than five members, all all of which struggle with alcohol dependency and an inability to maintain meaningful relationships with anyone who doesn’t “get it.”
Probable Genre: Electro-Space Rock
Here’s the news:
Pete Worden, the director of NASA’s Ames Research Center, recently hinted that billionaires are being recruited to kick...
September 2010
2 posts
9 tags
Bar Curious
Refers to girls who get drunk and make out with other girls, at the bar.
Genuine experimentation is another motivation for same-sex connecting between females who don’t see themselves as lesbians. “Bi-curious” girls — or, as they’re increasingly called when drinking is involved, “bar curious” — are hardly unique in wondering what it would be like to have a...
11 tags
Going Ghost
The cartoonist who came up with last year’s “Everybody Draw Mohammad Day” has moved, gone into hiding, and changed her name, at the insistence of the FBI.
The gifted artist is alive and well, thankfully. But on the insistence of top security specialists at the FBI, she is, as they put it, “going ghost”: moving, changing her name, and essentially wiping away her...
August 2010
10 posts
7 tags
Blackberry Thumb
A woman is undergoing surgery for what’s come to be known as Blackberry Thumb.
The hospital says her condition is best known as “Blackberry thumb.” However since she was using an iPhone, “iPhone thumb” is obviously more appropriate in her case.
Symptoms of Blackberry thumb include pain, inflammation, numbness and tingling.
Further Reading: Business Insider
...
3 tags
Squat Evangelists
Humans who believe that it’s natural to squat while one poops are Squat Evangelists.
According to Bockus’s Gastroenterology, a standard medical text from 1964, “the ideal posture for defecation is the squatting position, with the thighs fixed upon the abdomen.”
Modern-day squat evangelists make money off the claim that a “more natural” posture wards off all...
6 tags
Operation Buckshot Yankee
Operation Buckshot Yankee was the name of a 2008 counter-military operation to a cyber attack installed via flash drive on US military Central Command computers.
The Pentagon operation to counter the attack, known as Operation Buckshot Yankee, marked a turning point in U.S. cyberdefense strategy, Lynn said. In November 2008, the Defense Department banned the use of flash drives, a ban it has...
5 tags
WatchGateway Sex, as introduced by Secret Life of an American Teenager, is the kind that “doesn’t require birth control.”
7 tags
Terror Babies
Terror Babies refer to children born to Muslim women in the US, flown overseas to train in terror, who then return to the US thirty years later as terrorists. It’s a now-debunked conspiracy first introduced by Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX).
The Republican member of the Texas State Legislature said her office is getting information on the so-called terror babies from former FBI officials. We...
6 tags
Aqua Buddha
Aqua Buddha is hopefully a make-believe deity whom a woman claims Rand Paul, candidate for U.S. Senate in Kentucky, forced her to worship.
“They told me their god was ‘Aqua Buddha’ and that I needed to bow down and worship him,” the woman recalls. “They blindfolded me and made me bow down to ‘Aqua Buddha’ in the creek. I had to say, ‘I worship you...
3 tags
Broadband Stamps
Broadband Stamps, if successfully introduced by Former FCC Commissioner Deborah Taylor Tate, would be vouchers for low-income Americans to buy terribly slow internet service.
Think of this as food stamps for broadband, or in Tate’s words, “broadband stamps.”
Further reading: ars technica
4 tags
Blacktag
A Blacktag is a twitter hashtag used primarily by black people.
Call #wordsthatleadtotrouble a “blacktag”—a trending topic initiated by a young African-American woman in Hollywood, pushed to a wider audience by a black woman in South Africa, and then pushed over the top by thousands of contributions from who appear to be black teenagers all over the United States.
Further reading:...
3 tags
HOPA
HOPA is the rearranged acronym for “Hot Piece of Ass.” In a series of photographs posted online, a girl named Jenny quit her job because her boss called her a HOPA to a business contact in a phone call she overheard. [note: circumstances could be fake, the internet is currently researching] NEW DEFINITION: A word used to describe any colleague who may be within earshot, used to...
1 tag
OK...we're back.
Hiatus over. It’s time to get cranking again, mkay? Formatting may change in future…
July 2010
1 post
1 tag
Flashblood
Flashblooding is the hopefully not-so-widespread practice of injecting oneself with the blood of a heroin addict to get high or fight withdrawal. New Definition: The practice of deliberately fucking oneself over. Usage: We were flashblodding with whiskey the night before that AP Environmental Science test, there was no way we couldn’t fail. Further reading: NY Times
June 2010
7 posts
2 tags
Illegals
“The name used by Russia’s overseas intelligence agency, the SVR, for its secret agents living in the US.”
New Definition: Anyone living a secret life.
Usage: “My uncle and his boyfriend are illegals in Dallas.”
5 tags
Jim Joyced
Jim Joyce is an umpire in Major League Baseball who once made a questionable call, costing a young pitcher his perfect game. The term “jim joyced” became jargologized today, when a ref in the US vs. Slovenia world cup soccer game called back a goal due to an offsides that was so clearly not offsides. It doesn’t deserve capitalization because it’s so damn frustrating. New...
10 tags
Sack-tapping
Teenage boys are playing a “game” wherein they ambush each other with a punch to the nuts. It’s called “sack-tapping,” and was supposedly made popular after a 1998 episode of South Park. New Definition: “Any painful insult that surprises the receiver.” Usage: “Dan got sack-tapped in yesterdays creative brainstorm and just walked out for...
2 tags
Helicopter Parents
According to a recent study, helicopter parents — parents who hover over the minute-by-minute happenings of a child’s life — create reserved and sheltered kids. No shit, right?
Further reading: On Deadline, Jezebel
8 tags
Gucci Cops
Gucci Cops are members of the police force who wear fashionable clothes while on duty. New Definition: Any authoritative figure who dresses in what could be loosely interpreted as ‘fashionable.’” Usage: “President Obama is being criticized for dressing like a Gucci cop while touring the oil-stricken beaches near New Orleans.” Further reading: Telegraph
7 tags
Trufflegate
Trufflegate refers to the controvery following Lynn Hirschberg’s profile of M.I.A. in the New York Times, which at one point mentions the singer eating a Truffle-covered French Fry — one that the Times writer herself may have ordered. New Definition: “An occurrence when an individual is recontextualized by another over a choice they did not necessarily make.” Usage:...
7 tags
Giant Shears
BP is now trying giant shears to snip off a portion of the leaking pipe, in what must be attempt #18 to stop the oil spill in the Gulf. New Definition: “A metaphorical device one would use as a last-ditch effort to cut off debate in a conflict.” Usage: “The public has brought out the giant shears over Palin’s defense of her ‘Drill, baby drill’ catch...
May 2010
15 posts
7 tags
Top Kill
Ah, “Top Kill.” You’ve heard the term. Basically a method of cutting off the oil spill (that worked?!) by pumping mud, followed by cement, in the reverse direction of the flow of oil. New Definition: “An aggressive, high-stakes and last-ditch solution to a problem.” Usage: “I top killed it spamming Twitter, trying find that Ke$ha b-side.” Further...
8 tags
Pedophile Island
A Republican running for Governor in California is proposing the state sends all untreatable pedophiles to Santa Rosa Island, an island, he says “that will be used as ‘Pedophile Island.’” New Definition: “A beach swarming with creepy old men.” Usage: “The Hamptons weekend went south when our beach turned into Pedophile Island.” Further reading: LA...
7 tags
North Korean torpedo
An international investigative committee has determined that a North Korean torpedo was indeed responsible for the sinking of a South Korean navy ship. New Definition: “A suspicious party obviously at fault for a negative occurrence.” Usage: “Mike, your bean burrito lunch was so obviously the North Korean torpedo at Jane’s stank-ass wine party last night.” Further...
7 tags
Neets
Neets are young people who aren’t in education, employed, or training for a job. New Definition: “Your laziest friend.” Usage: “Dan’s such a neet he hasn’t set Lost to Tivo in two weeks.” Further reading: Telegraph
9 tags
Junk Shot
A “junk shot” is BP’s latest fix for the gushing oil well. It is a mixture of golf balls, lamp wire, and other bits of trash they hope will help stop the flow. New Definition: “A mixture of three or more seemingly random items meant to fill up a space.” Usage: “Find all the alcohol that’s left and stir up some junk shot punch.” Further reading: NY...
4 tags
Buycott
A Buycott is a tactic promoted by Conservative activists to support Arizona-based businesses. This is following calls for a state-wide boycott by progressives concerned with the state’s recent immigration law. New Definition: “An event in which idiots spend their money to support a lost cause.” Usage: “Let’s buycott Dunkin Donuts to keep America fat!” Further...
5 tags
Buffalo Cougar
A 45-year-old Buffalo, NY woman told President Obama, “You’re a hottie with a smokin’ little body.” She has been dubbed the Buffalo Cougar. New Definition: “A middle-aged woman who makes over-the-top sexual comments to an authority figure.” Usage: “Jim’s mom was acting like a Buffalo Cougar to the manager of Dunkin Donuts.” Further reading: Animal, MSNBC,...
6 tags
Dumb Fucks
Mark Zuckerberg called early Facebook users who trusted him with their data “Dumb fucks.” The comment was revealed in a leaked IM conversation he had with a friend in 2004. New Definition: “Anyone who trusts anyone with anything” Usage: “We’re dumb fucks for expecting KFC’s Double Down to be anything but a bleeding pile of salt juice.” Further...
6 tags
10-Year-Old Dutch Boy
A 10-year-old Dutch boy was the only survivor on a flight that crashed in Libya. He is a very lucky little Dutch boy! New Definition: “Anyone who manages to get past a significant, or non-significant, event.” Usage: “Felt like a 10-year old Dutch boy after being the last one through the doors on that L train this morning.” Further reading: Gawker, National Post, Newsweek,...
7 tags
Milbloggers
Milbloggers are say-what-i-want, shoot-when-i-want bloggers focused on military policy who today released a joint statement calling for the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” New Definition: “A blogger critical of authority on a local level.” Usage: “Ray Kelly winces at the NYC milbloggers hating on his anti-street art department-wide policy.”...
9 tags
Top Hat
A Top Hat is BP’s latest device, that functions like a plug, the oil giant is dropping on its leaking oil well in the Gulf of Mexico. New Definition: “A homemade plug utilized for capping stubborn leaks.” Usage: “The urinal wouldn’t stop leaking so I used my Big League Chew to craft up a top hat and plug it.” Further reading: MarketWatch, BusinessWeek,...
8 tags
Bill Shock
Bill Shock is that heart-wrenching feeling one gets upon reading a high wireless bill. The FCC’s all like, “What’s that like?” New Definition: “The feeling one gets upon receiving any shocking financially-related report.” Usage: “Holden was twitching with bill shock after getting the check at Rye…those Old Fashioneds sneak up on you like a...
1 tag
Going to stop using dates now in the posts. Hope that’s cool with you. It just looks uncomfortable in Twitter.
9 tags
5/11 Special Edition: Boom-B-Q's & Massive Hair...
Special definition & usage-free edition… Boom-B-Qs are gatherings for volunteers fighting the Deepwater Horizon oil spill to learn how to make oil booms. A Massive Hair Lift is a movement organized via Facebook in which 370,000 salons are sending nearly 500,000 lbs of hair & fur to help soak up oil spilling into the Gulf. Further reading: BBC, Schotts, NYTimes
4 tags
5/11: Fat Finger
Fat Finger is a term referring to a trader’s error in accidentally executing a massive sell or buy order. It was initially floated as a reason for last week’s mysterious dip in the markets, but has since been discounted. New Definition: “Something to blame for an accidental tweet, email, or phone call.” Usage: “Shit, fat fingered my neighbor around midnight last night…now I...
April 2010
5 posts
2 tags
4/30: Kuta Cowboy
Kuta Cowboys are seductive tall, muscled, swaggering young men in Bali who sleep with older female tourists looking for romance. They are basically beach gigolos. New Definition: Any attractive male talking with an older woman at a bar, beach, or country club. Usage: “Mom was all over that Kuta Cowboy bartender at the wedding on Sunday.” Further reading: Metafilter, Gawker, NY Times
2 tags
4/29: Appholes
On The Daily Show, Jon Stewart called Apple employees Appholes over their response to the Gizmodo iPhone 4G leak. New Definition: Anyone who overreacts to a technological setback. Usage: “Dude reacted like such an apphole when I stole his mayorship of Body Gap.” Further reading: Business Insider, Wired, MacDailyNews
2 tags
4/16: Cowboy Latte
In a speech about today’s political climate, former President Bill Clinton referenced people who think “you ought to be able to pack a six gun into Starbucks and order a Cowboy Latte.” Usage: “Go see those liberals in Texas, eating arugula and drinking Cowboy Lattes.” Further reading: Politico